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December 30, 2006

Recruiting Volunteers for Television Homicide Research

This is Part 1 of my "Kill the Television" series. I'll be performing lectures and teaching workshops with a megaphone each weekend on the corner of East and 2nd.

I'd like to try a little experiment that just might do some good in the world. If it works, we could start an epidemic that could lead to enhanced creativity, renewed motivation, a leap in understanding, the fall of our governments, a loss of prejudice, and maybe even the salvation of mankind himself.

The experiment is simple. I merely want all of my readers to cancel their cable television and unhook any antennas. Call now and cancel. It's that simple.

Hook up that dvd player. Relax and watch a movie. Eat some popcorn. Just stay away from those channels.

"But I can't watch movies 24 hours a day for two weeks straight! What am I supposed to do?" I honestly don't care. Stare at a wall. Look at porno. Even better, go camping. Write a book. Make a porno. Hug your family. Meditate. Learn to play the sitar. Invent a gadget. Still need ideas? Because I haven't watched tv in months - I can do this all day!

Once two weeks have passed, I'd like for you to write me regarding your experiences. Most likely you will inform me that the addiction has been broken, and you will thank me for freeing you of the chains that have kept you enslaved. Your new heightened intelligence quotient will help you to not only defeat and escape the slavemaster yourself, but to build underground railroads for all of your friends.

Just taste the freedom for two weeks. See how it feels.

December 31, 2006

Television Is Bad Parenting

This is Part 2 of my "Kill the Television" series. I'll be performing lectures and teaching workshops with a megaphone each weekend on the corner of East and 2nd.

"Television Is Bad Parenting"

If you found that title offensive, it's likely that you're a bad parent. So now that the offense is out of the way, we can move on.

If you're a parent, or might become one, please don't glaze over yet. Hear me out.

It all starts with evolution. Because of evolution, humans are social creatures - a necessity for survival when you don't have venomous fangs or claws. In order to work as teams, our ancestors were forced to develop a collective agreement on what's real, what is right and wrong, what's important in life, and what's best for mankind. Those agreements are, to some degree, built into our nature, but with development of technology there comes a time when we should stop and reassess the ways in which we've been programmed.

Consider the work of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a research psychologist, regarding what he refers to as "Flow". Flow is the same as what athletes would call being in the zone. You're facing a challenge, and although your skills are up to the job, it requires total and absolute concentration. Every ounce of your attention is on the task at hand, because distractions could mean failure. Csikszentmihalyi found that people feel best about themselves and most satisfied with their lives when they experience this state on a regular basis. Anyone who has ever achieved this state of mind (which is most of us) can attest to its effects, but most of us don't know how to achieve it at will.

Csikszentmihalyi's research has only uncovered one solid way to accomplish this, and that is to constantly challenge yourself, and to constantly improve.

So it seems that the optimal state of man occurs when he is constantly striving for improvement, as individuals and as a species . . . constantly pushing himself, constantly raising the bar, facing new challenges, accumulating knowledge and wisdom, and improving. A life of ease and comfort is probably what most people are aiming for, but studies have consistently shown that people are least content with their lives when they're doing passive activities, like watching the television. People enjoy life when they're doing something meaningful. You might enjoy watching your favorite shows, but when you weigh that against the things you could be achieving with the television off, the comparison is clear.

Here's my personal experience:

Several years ago, I moved into a new place and decided for the immediate future to forsake my cable television. It was supposed to be temporary. I had a lot to get done, and had to stay focused. I didn't want any distractions.

I assumed it would be tough and that I would be ordering cable in a matter of days, but I was wrong. For a day or so I wasn't sure what to do other than to make some music. So I sat in my home studio and worked for days straight. At first I would get tired after a while and want to take a break . . . and I had no idea what to do. I didn't want to stop the momentum; I just didn't have the energy left. So I stared at a wall until finally I got bored and went back in the studio. When I left the house, at least a small piece of my mind would always be looking for inspiration. I bought a digital voice recorder so that I could record ideas any time they came to me. Within a few weeks I had a collection of ideas so extensive that I'll never be able to finish them all.

This is my point: Removing the single largest offender of time waste creates a vacuum that has to be filled. You're not going to stare at the wall forever, and neither will your child. Your mind will get bored and look for ideas, and soon you'll be doing something different to fill your time. Whatever that thing is, surely it will be better for you than televegetating. If it happens to be something productive, that's even better.

Would anybody possibly disagree with the opinion that mankind would be better off if we lived our lives in this way, constantly learning and creating challenges rather than sitting in front of the television? If we agree on that much, then how can you possibly justify putting your child in front of a television set? Do you think that if your child has no television, he or she won't find something else to do? Maybe when deprived of television, children will go out and play with some friends. Maybe they'll get some exercise. Maybe children will begin reading books, like they used to do in ancient times. They may want to take some lessons in something. Maybe they'll do some thinking.

I'm not saying this is all without risk, though . . . it may force you to spend more time with them.

January 22, 2007

Danny's Wager

Instead of trying to prove that the Lord does or does not exist, I'd like to put this argument into an entirely new context - a wager.

If I were an odds maker, this one would be simple. You have two choices, and two possible outcomes.

Your choices: Belief / Disbelief

Possible outcomes: There is a God / There is NOT a God

The key to good gambling is the effective analysis of risk versus reward. What do I have to gain if I win? What do I have to lose if I lose? What are my chances?

So with that in mind, let's break it down:

Belief / There is a God: If you believe, and it turns out there is a God, then he's an asshole for not just telling you, and you're probably better off spending eternity with that other guy who tried so hard to get through to you all these years.

Belief / There is NOT a God: If you believe, and there is no God . . . Wow, what a waste of a human life. You could have been out there solving life's mysteries, but instead you were fooled into thinking you already had them solved. It's a shame for all of us . . . perhaps you would have been just the scientist we needed to save us from all the Christians and their self-fulfilling prophecies.

Disbelief / There is a God: At least you didn't give your life for the guy. You dodged the bullet, my friend.

Disbelief / There is NOT a God: We're all in luck! You spent your life questioning things you didn't understand, and perhaps solved a few problems in the process. You contributed, and that's what's important. Now, we can progress and evolve as a race, free from dogma and doctrine-imposed morality.

And how about those chances? Well, considering how many Gods people believe in, choosing the right one seems to be the real long shot. But let's assume we could all agree on one God, and that all that matters is that a god of some sort exists. The chances, if we're to believe our senses, research, and logic, are about as good as me being Him.

My point... Just believe in me. God doesn't gamble.

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